The Life and Death and Life of Frank

by 2014-15 Calliope Staff

At the center of the village of Bearsteintown gathered together the little tiny really small itty bitty miniscule teddy bears known as the Bearingthongs to celebrate 121 and a half years of peace with Frank the Giant Bear. Frank was a benevolent giant who lived in the Whimsical Woods of Happiness and Sunshine where flowers of sugar grow. Frank mostly kept to himself in the cave at the edge of the woods, always looking over the Bearingthongs. It was because of his epic battle with the horde of Japanese Wasps trying to steal the bears honey and graham crackers that the village was celebrating.


Today, the Bearingthongs wanted to celebrate….Frank. They paraded him into town on a giant tree trunk, carrying him like ants using their own tiny bodies together to lift him up. Frank looked down at all the bears and loved so much how they looked. Their soft chewy looking ears and and gumdrop shaped eyes. Suddenly, he realized that he had forgotten his hourly dose of liquid sugar cane. Them Bearingthongs were looking mighty tasty. The ground starts shaking as Frank rubs his arms and jumps up and down trying to hide his shakes from the tiny bears trying to play with him.


During Mayor BearingFunk’s speech, which was performed in the spirit of Rapper T-Bear, Frank’s symptoms got worse. His body started sweating very salty (not sugaray) water drops that the tiny bears thought were his tears. Stupid bears. Frank was hungry. Everywhere he looked beneath him he saw them as tiny multi-flavored gummy bears.


“AaAaAaAaAaHhHhHhH! You look so yummy for my tummy! Must consUUMMEE!” roared Frank as he waddled aggressively to the stage and grabbed Mayor BearingFunk (the reincarnation of T-Bear) and ran off towards the woods. The tiny bears grouped together and sprinted their really mini teddy bear feets to chase him. When they got to Frank, they formed an extensively long chain link with their hands and choked Frank until he died. Frank’s spirit transcended out of his body into the infiniteness that is space and changed several things. Mostly just his name though.

On his 20th birthday Garret visited the wonderful world of build-a-bear. Hes going in to find a friend for his birthday but it turns out that it just ends up screwing him over in the end in more ways than one.  When the worker saw him enter she shook her head in shame, knowing that he would not be happy with his purchase. Garret chose fluffy pink bun- bear? He lifted it from the bin, with such tender love, and stares deeply into the bear’s soulless black button eyes, just as empty as his own. When it was time to pump the bear full of fluff he decided to fill it with all hearts to show how much he really loved it. As his put in the last heart the bear began to blink, “Happy hump day” it said because it was Wednesday, Garret afraid stared at it, with his soulless eyes, how did the bear know what day it was, why was the bear aware of anything? “How do you know that?” asked garret. “Because I’ve watching you, since I died, I was a good friend of yours but you don't remember me do you?” “What’s your name friend” “Francis.” Suddenly the bear’s voice dropped three octaves, the lights went out, every little child and Garret pissed their pants and began to call for their mommy’s. The workers left they was like “nah that's cool we outtie yo,” another one yelled “my leg”. Garret trembling with fear had a earth shattering epiphany, “Your not Francis.” The teddy bear tilted his head to the side slowly and creepily, “I know” it said menacingly as it snatched out Garret’s heart, as Garret lay there dying, the teddy bear raised Garrets still beating heart to its fuzzy face as it stroked Garret’s face and whispered “It’s Gorman”.