The Cheedo Cheedo

by Marcus Morrison

The origins of this (not surprisingly) flightless bird-cat are vague if not completely unknown. Centuries old stories, told by the Sharkeisha tribe of western east Africa, state that one ordinary night as the sky began to drizzle pathetically, a dodo bird somehow managed to get blown over from Madagascar onto the main land. As the dodo managed to waddle its way out of the tree it landed in, it was immediately spotted by a cheetah which quickly attacked. The unimpressed dodo swiftly shot into the air, kicking the cheetah squarely in the forehead, which set it flying 200 feet in the opposite direction. The cheetah, thoroughly fascinated, walked back over extending its paw for a “handshake.” Just as their limbs touched, a streak of lightning stretched from the sky, enrobing the two in an annoyingly bright light. As they blinked back the flash, they realized that they had fused into a single being. Thus, the Cheedo Cheedo was created.

The Cheedo Cheedo has all the characteristics of a cheetah, but with a dodo bird sticking out one sided of its torso. Unlike most creatures of lore, the Cheedo Cheedo has few magical powers. The lightning strike that occurred at its conception imparted immortality on the creature, leaving it to develop its own set of skills over time. The Cheedo Cheedo’s most prominent endowment is its blatant sarcasm. The most vicious foes are sent away crying after a violent tongue lashing from the two heads. The cheetah tends to point out all of its victims insecurities, which the dodo follows up with low blows about the prey’s mother. Needless to say, the Cheedo Cheedo is undefeated in battle.

Sometimes on a perfectly below average day, it is said one can see the Cheedo Cheedo lounging about under lazy elephants, thinking silently about how badass it is.